` me. just me *

040905

happy 16th month my dear (:

okayy. before i go online or whatever. i have to finish typing this entry! yepp. i knw after this entry, some people are going to really hate me for this. but it's only right i make this clear. sorry.

i'm glad that we managed to do it :D sixteen months is definitely not an easy task! hehh. yesterday was super drama. like what malisa always points out. im like the drama queen. anw. yeahh. i walked out on wil yesterday. hehh. was super tired after rushing all the way down to meet him and heard his ****** and complaints and whinings. couldnt stand it. just turned and walked off. went home as fast as i could. was holding back my tears all the way. i wanted to call muikee, malisa, zixi, charmaine, yan qing and shan. just wanted to find someone to talk to. but given my current mood, i'ld just cry on the way home. so i decided against it. when i reached home, i gave wil a call after crying. we broke up for i think forty five minutes. then he cabbed down to my gate and apologised. i cried again. and i couldnt get myself to say no. could see that he cried too :P yepp. then it was awkward cause i was the one who walked out on him. but he was just so sweet (: he didnt mind. he apologised. and magically produced two movie tickets :P we cabbed down to heartland mall had pizza, ice cream, egg tarts, mooncake, piggy! basically we bought alot. then i found out what kind of chocolates wil likes (: haha. we went around to compare prices! yepp. nw i knw what to get alr :D then parents called. so took nel down to dhoby ghaut. wil took nel down till the mrt station with me then went home to meet his mum i think. yupp. anw. my toes kept cramping. i had to keep stopping at the railings. my dad said it was lack of Na+ ions. i knw. i just said i didnt eat salty food the whole day. but in real fact, it was because i cried and perspired alot while going home. i chose to walk the long way all under the sun. hehh.

happy 16th month again (:

here's the big confession. my wilfred is from from ITE! yepp. sorry. i knw i've lied. i told everybody other than malisa and muikee (since sec3?) that he was from poly. sorry. i just didnt want to get unwanted attention or anything that sort. i have something else to admit. i'm actually quite wary of guys. sorry. it's like other than just being in an all-girls school since primary school, my sec4 year changed my impression of guys. i was just being my usual bubbly self and everything. then went my guy friend(s) knew he was from ITE, they said stuff like why cant compare with them cause they're from poly blah blah.

truth is, cause wil asked me first! i've told him many times. i didnt exactly love him like him what have you when he first "proposed" to me. hehh. but feelings can be developed and will be developed (: and nw i love my dear (: that's how arranged marriages work out! anw when such guys you actually call friends shock you with such statements, the whole situation just changes. im having probs looking at guys in the eye or talking to them and stuff. i dont knw. im starting to become like the person mrs brenda tan talked to us about! ): it's not like every guy would like me and stuff. but it's just i dont want to have situations like the qing fei de yi song. gosh. sorry. to those reading this and understand cause you've been affected, i'm sorry.

wil and i have quarrelled more than 20 times throughout this 16 months. i've never got the courage to leave. and i'm glad i never did. hehh. i really dont knw and dont want to knw hw it would actually feel like. im not as strong as i seem to be. or rather. im weaker than i look. okayy. this is a huge confession. dont ask me about it okayy? thanks.

but anw. on a happier note. i had a great time today (: watched movie, went to the arcade, shopped, and laughed alot (: yeahh. i had a HONEY JUMBO BRAZILIAN CHICKEN LEG from carrefour for lunch! it was superb (: managed to poke wil alot today and promise to be a better guy. and he loves the present i made :D i thought it was nice too! :p

yepp. as for me, i'll change too (: i'll try to lower my barrier towards other guys. hehh. and be more sociable. (:

this part is dedicated to wil (:

my wil is not the smartest person around (but he beat my psle score!), he makes weird choices (n[T], ITE), not the richest person around, but he's hardworking, sweet and willing to change for me (: yupppps.

transformative love --> acceptance love

thanks for being so sweet most of the time (: *ahem

//rmb your promises!!

xxx
; SMILE